IT'S A CONSPIRACY!

[matthew]

A regular customer dropped this off at my work today.

[Jeff]

That is just ten kinds of batshit insane.

[Jeff]

I'm going to be quoting that. Thanks for sharing.

[matthew]

This was only an hour ago in our staff kitchen.

The "Did you know?" papers lead to a conversation occurring in our kitchen/break room, between A_____, F___ and myself.

Oh, did I say "conversation"? I meant "condescending crazytown lecture by F____"

I caught some audio with my digital camera:

F____ explains his disdain for ridiculous fairy tale religions. "Why are none of you [i.e. world religions] talking about the Photon Belt?" and then urges A____ and I to read the crackpot pseudoscience (no better than the fantasies of L. Ron Hubbard) written by failed economist Zecharia Sitchin (who is embraced by lunatic cultists from Rael to Icke).
His leap from Sitchin's hokum (based entirely on his woeful ignorance of the Sumerian texts he based his Stargate-esque bullshit on) to this Illuminati nonsense remains beyond my comprehension. At the end of this clip he intimates that "these deities" (presumably the aliens living on Sitchin's 12th Planet - the ones who gave the Sumerians ancient knowledge and technology. Oh, I should mention that this refers to something he said earlier in the day. He regaled us with the popular conspiracy theory/urban myth that ancient Egyptian cartouches depict "Apache helicopters" - this too is nonsense and is merely the result of one image being carved over another - at any rate the same cartouche depicts men with the heads of jackals) live much longer than us and have incredible technologies at their disposal and enjoy "messing with us".

If I understand correctly, F____ believes that these "deities" (in league with the Illuminati) are planning to return in 2012 to prevent our entering the Photon Belt and thus blocking our ascension to the next stage of human consciousness ("increasing our vibrational frequencies"). The reason for this intervention is that our ascension will grant us access to now dormant god-like powers and we will be able to fight back with.
 
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/bOxsr35K3Bk" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/bOxsr35K3Bk</a>

Like David Icke, F____ apparently accepts the idea that these beings of the 12th Planet are "reptilian". He mentions here that our human powers (once ameliorated by our ascension in the photon belt) will trump those of the reptile gods, and that they are limited to technology. F____ believes that we will be able to "manipulate matter" and to teleport to Florida with the snap of the fingers. Once humanity out-parkours the reptile gods Earth will pass out of the photon belt and the 12th planet will move on to another galaxy. Free from our overlords, humanity will enjoy "heaven on eath" and the "golden years". After briefly returning to his anti-religious rant, F___ speaks generally of the Freemasons, the Shriners, the Illuminati, the Skull and Crossbones and the Eye of Providence. This, as near as I can tell, is just a pile of gibberish with no line to drawn through it.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/CLsD5_32hi4" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/CLsD5_32hi4</a>


F____ reveals that he has a friend who is an astronomer: "My friend who is an astronomer, who's got the astronomy books." The other voice is that of 19 year old An____, a good kid who happens to be obsessed with astronomy (unfortunately he also watched the Zeitgeist films) and he is merely repeating what he had heard about 2012 theory. F____, never keen on the sound of other people's voices when he has the stage swiftly drowns out A____'s contribution with a bit about the likelihood that the reptile gods "come down and pull a Terminator concept" on us.

When I left the room to restart my camera I lost my focus on what was being said and so I was unclear what F____ meant by "their depanneur run" (depanneur = corner store. This would be similar to a beer run). So I ask, "What's the depanneur run?" Because F____ presumes all around him to be his intellectual inferiors  - en lieu of answering my question -  he condescendingly explains what a depanneur run is. This arrogance leads to me snipe back with the sarcastic "I don't know, leave the car running?"
F___ moves on to explain why the inhabitants of the 12th planet can thrive despite their planet's orbit taking them well out of range of the life-nurturing glow of the sun. It is why gold is so valuable, apparently. Gold is used for "their artificial atmosphere, force field and traction beam"! In an odd turn he claims that the tractor beam was used to smash one of its satellite moons into the ancient Earth (this actually departs from even Sitchin's bullshit). He then explains that the Comet Lulin (I believe what he is referring to when he says "green comet") is actually some sort of astral body that has been commandeered by the repilian overlords, complete with "headlamps and a forcefield!"
If you fail to see how self-evident that conclusion is? F____ calls on skeptics to "remember - mathematics."
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/WbusoJ0iPsc" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/WbusoJ0iPsc</a>

[matthew]

"Headlights and a Forcefield"

[Jeff]

Oh god, Matthew. How do you put up with that shit?

[matthew]

Forty-one years old.

 

[Doctor Rock]

That man needs psychiatric help. 

[bebopbalogna]

Forty-one years old.

 

chris guest should create a character based on this guy.

[matthew]

fucking hell

I accidentally clicked the "subscribe" button on his profile instead of clicking on his profile and I had to delete the videos.

Just as well, I had to take them down eventually. I should have never put them up in the first place.

[matthew]

So, Froda (our pet name for him) has been shitcanned.

A number of staff members are somewhat worried about him returning to the store and "going postal" ...so, if you hear of a throwing knife massacre in Dollard-des-Ormeaux, Quebec, I may be amongst the dead.

[Just Some Girl]

Thanks for the head's up.

[Jeff]

http://www.motherjones.com/politics/2009/09/conspiracy-watch-were-dark-ages-faked

Conspiracy Watch: Were the Dark Ages Faked?
"Phantom time," Charlemagne, and a 300-year memory hole.

THE CONSPIRACY THEORY: No wonder the Dark Ages were so dark—they didn't really exist. The years between 614 and 911 never happened, yet due to some suspicious mathematical manipulation, they have been included in the Western calendar. To cover up the time shift, three centuries of fictional events and nonexistent figures like Charlemagne have been squeezed into the historical record. Reset your watches: We're actually living in the early 1700s.

THE THEORISTS: The idea of "phantom time" was first proposed in 1991 by a German historian named Heribert Illig and his colleagues. They claim that unexplained gaps in the archeological and documentary record confirm their hypothesis. So how did 297 empty years suddenly appear? The prime suspect is Holy Roman Emperor Otto III, who is commonly thought to have lived around 1000. Not so, say Illig and Co.: He actually lived around 700 but wished he lived at the time of the first millennium, so with the help of Pope Sylvester II, he added 300 years to the date. To help cover his tracks, he invented a convincing story about an eighth-century Frankish emperor named Charlemagne.

MEANWHILE, BACK ON EARTH: Needless to say, historians aren't convinced that a large chunk of the Middle Ages were faked. But if it's true, can I get a partial refund for that monster European History book I had to read in high school?