Double Creme Betweens

[Jeff]

I like knowing my neighbors. Our next door neighbor is a really nice Lebanese lady who babysits for us and has coffee with M______ all the time. I help her with repairs around her house.

The people next to her just got foreclosed/evicted, which is AWESOME because they were awful, awful white trash people. Their kids were incapable of walking the 20 feet from the street to the front door without having a loud, obscenity-filled argument. They somehow managed to throw out a large piece of furniture every week, making our street look all Sanford and Son. Their house was visibly falling apart. They parked illegally in front of my house, making it hard for me to back out. They cut through my yard all the time and threw their garbage and cigarette butts on my lawn as they went. They were in and out of jail...

I actually met the new owner and he showed me the inside. Their carpet had not been vacuumed in YEARS. It had started tan but was brown-black with about a million colors of stain. They had punched holes in their wall. Every light switch was surrounded by a large greasy halo of handprints. Garbage was everywhere. It smelled like a homeless person.

I am so glad they're gone.

[Tripp]

next door to her is a dude who recently moved here from Michigan. He was transferred by Lowe's.  One of my only conversations with him went something like this..

me:  Michigan huh? I spent many a summer in Flint when I was a little kid..

him:  FLINT?  OMG have you seen that place lately? uhn-uhn.. no thanks..

me:  so you're at the Lowe's out in north Memphis huh? I guess the quickest way out there is up Jackson ave..

him: yeah, I know,  THAT's a scenic drive if you know what I mean..  What a dump..

me: well, it's a pretty good location for a Lowe's I guess. I grew up out in north Memphis.

him:  oh yeah, that must've been great.. I can see why you wanted to get out of there..

me:  I'll see ya later man...

[Tripp]

it's always nice when white trash moves out.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

The old lady across the street is actually kinda cool. She's a successful ceramicist  (sp?) .. she sells her own pottery..  She seems liberal and nice but we can tell she thinks we're not doing enough to make our yard beautiful.

When we finally got around to raking the front yard this year she walked out and said "see? doesn't that look nice?"

No, bitch.  It doesn't.

[Tripp]

"hey, next time your landscape guys are over, sick 'em on our yard if you want."

[Tripp]

she does have a really nice front yard..  then she has to look directly across the street at us..  we look like the house that Wednesday Addams grew up and moved into.

[Jeff]

Alright, me and M______ talked some more. No more fighting. We're good, but still...

Fun fact: my wife speaks five languages but cannot say "I'm sorry" in any of them.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Lo siento, Jefe.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Is your brother still living with you?

[Moetown]

We take care of our next door neighbors' dog whenever they go out of town. We used to get drunk with them on their front porch every now and again. But now they have a kid and I'm not as much of a drinkard anymore, so no more porch parties. I really like having them as nieghbors. Our house is on the corner, so we only have to deal with one set of next door neighbors.

[Kimmy]

Fun fact: my wife speaks five languages but cannot say "I'm sorry" in any of them.

I am in tears laughing over this. Seriously, funniest thing I've read in a long time. Thanks.

[Jeff]

Is your brother still living with you?

Nah, he moved into the ultimate single dude house in Elmhurst with two roommates: 24 vintage video games, 2 big screen tvs, 2 hot tubs, a pool table, and a kegerator. But also the kind of place with crooked, slanted floors, dog hair everywhere, empty pizza boxes, 55 gallon cans full of empty beer bottles, etc. He likes it though and has fun there.

[Moetown]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/HBMyGfhMCYU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/HBMyGfhMCYU</a>
.

[Jeff]

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/FoZmtoV-ubo" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/FoZmtoV-ubo</a>

[full blown possession]

by the way...what's the band's name?  i'm gonna befriend them on myspace, get some scoop on them, and ruin their life.

funny thing is i have literally dropped 50 lbs since sept.  and i think 25lb since i saw all the crapiteers in mempho in march

here is the looks like kim video

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Er84GjiiVEg[/youtube]


links for the great bands:
http://www.myspace.com/thecocainewolves
http://www.myspace.com/state

DICKWEEED HAS BEEN IN TOWN LESS THAN 24 HOURS AND ALREADY HAS STARTED WW111

GOOD MORNING AND WAY TO TELL EM OFF PAT, IF YOUR KIM IS FAT, IM GROTESQUESQULY OBESE