Happy Birthday, Black!

[Tripp]

our good friend from Hull England who probably hasn't checked the Crappity board in 4 years..

Happy Birthday buddy!

[Jesse]

I hear Black is the new black.

[Bizarro]

Inactive members get their own birthday threads now? Shit, I don't think anyone even said happy birthday to me last year. 

[Bizarro]

I'm just fucking grouchy because I got called out to a fucking D_enny's at two o'clock in the morning

The worst part part wasn't even getting woken up in the middle of the night to fix a dishwasher for a shitty customer who doesn't spend any money. The worst part was showing up promptly, going into the kitchen and being deafened by some kid's radio. So I say, in my best two a.m. voice. "Can we turn that shit off?" And the kid starts dressing me down in the most tired teen Latino thug way about disrespecting him and "You don't know me, man, you can't talk to me like that."

And I said, "Don't know you? You look like a teenage busboy with his music too fucking loud who needs to turn it down so I can hear myself think and fix his dishwasher. Unless you'd rather wash by hand all night. You rather I come back tomorrow?"

I am too fucking old. It is too fucking loud.

Although for the record, any level of volume audible to the human ear is too loud for Mexican pop music.

[Bizarro]

Okay read this:

Don't peep at girls--STARE!

As a result of youthful training and literary mischief, too many old men have have never learned to use their eyes.

I'll give you an example. On the TV program, "Candid Camera," movies were taken of what happened when a girl dressed in a scanty bikini walked into a hardware store to buy a pint of nails and a loaf of electric wiring. She was a shapely wench of the kind that would simply fill a hardware store with hard ware.

In the store were ordinary customers, also including men of mature years, who, under better conditions of upbringing, might well have been dirty old men of decency.

What do you suppose these men did? Nothing. They looked away, blushing so hard that my black-and-white set broke into embarrassed color. Occasionally, as in the case of the banker I mentioned earlier, one of them would flick his eyes to one side in an attempt to get an optical whiff of beauty.

Over and over again the sequence was taken at different times and different stores. Always the same. Always the painful unawareness and the occasional flick of eyes.

Pretending to be unaware of the young lady, mind you, is not only a negation of whatever miserable manhood the negating person may aspire to, but is a foul and and ungentlemanly insult to the young lady. Did you ever think of that?

Well, think of it.

Here's a charming young lady, rose-pink with youth and utterly happy in her charming virginity, struggling with squeals of delight into an upper and lower garment carefully fitted by her proud mamma into an exact 1.5 sizes too small. She is then sent off to the hardware store, bashfully aware that she is pretty, and overlapping in all direction, and simply waiting for someone to take notice of her so that she might dimple and curtsy in appreciation.

And what happens? The clods don't look at her but find themselves overwhelmingly interested in samples of wall-sockets. What is that but a clear indication that the clods would rather plug into the wall-socket, so to speak, than into the young lady.

The poor thing probably cried her eyes out--to say nothing of the broken heart of the gray-haired mother.

As for the eye-flickering, that is worse yet. I have mentioned it in connection with the banker, but let us now go into it in greater detail.

First, the young lady sees it, of course, and considers you (as I said before) a contemptible coward. There is worse, however. If she is particularly inexperienced, she will interpret the quick look away as signifying that even the most evanescent view of her body must be sickening. To cause such a feeling to rise in the breast of a young girl is clearly the act of a miserable cad--all the more so since the feeling, in view of the style of dress being considered, is more than ordinarily visible.

Second, you are yourself cheated. There is a momentary glimpse of maidenly quiver, a quick impression of the gentle lift of soft flesh. That is no good. That is worse than useless. It merely drives home to you, you a miserable hobbledehoy, that you are not only a coward but that you don't even have the common decency to be a thorough-going-coward and not look at all.

Well, then, what should a person do when a bikini-clad damsel takes her place at one's side? Isn't it obvious? One should look.

What's that, you ask? Why, it's advice from Isaac Assimov from his nonfiction sex book, The Sensuous Dirty Old Man.

http://www.amazon.com/Sensuous-Dirty-Old-Man/dp/0802703631

[Bizarro]

MOTHERFUCKING D_ENNY'S CALLED AGAIN.

AT 3:40 IN THE MORNING.

There's a motor down now. That's about the worst fucking thing that can happen. I don't even have a fucking motor.

They want me there first thing in the morning. I guess the fact that I was there until 3 am doesn't mean shit to them.

[matthew]

http://lens.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/04/behind-the-scenes-a-new-angle-on-history/

[Doctor Rock]

Okay read this:

Don't peep at girls--STARE!

As a result of youthful training and literary mischief, too many old men have have never learned to use their eyes.

I'll give you an example. On the TV program, "Candid Camera," movies were taken of what happened when a girl dressed in a scanty bikini walked into a hardware store to buy a pint of nails and a loaf of electric wiring. She was a shapely wench of the kind that would simply fill a hardware store with hard ware.

In the store were ordinary customers, also including men of mature years, who, under better conditions of upbringing, might well have been dirty old men of decency.

What do you suppose these men did? Nothing. They looked away, blushing so hard that my black-and-white set broke into embarrassed color. Occasionally, as in the case of the banker I mentioned earlier, one of them would flick his eyes to one side in an attempt to get an optical whiff of beauty.

Over and over again the sequence was taken at different times and different stores. Always the same. Always the painful unawareness and the occasional flick of eyes.

Pretending to be unaware of the young lady, mind you, is not only a negation of whatever miserable manhood the negating person may aspire to, but is a foul and and ungentlemanly insult to the young lady. Did you ever think of that?

Well, think of it.

Here's a charming young lady, rose-pink with youth and utterly happy in her charming virginity, struggling with squeals of delight into an upper and lower garment carefully fitted by her proud mamma into an exact 1.5 sizes too small. She is then sent off to the hardware store, bashfully aware that she is pretty, and overlapping in all direction, and simply waiting for someone to take notice of her so that she might dimple and curtsy in appreciation.

And what happens? The clods don't look at her but find themselves overwhelmingly interested in samples of wall-sockets. What is that but a clear indication that the clods would rather plug into the wall-socket, so to speak, than into the young lady.

The poor thing probably cried her eyes out--to say nothing of the broken heart of the gray-haired mother.

As for the eye-flickering, that is worse yet. I have mentioned it in connection with the banker, but let us now go into it in greater detail.

First, the young lady sees it, of course, and considers you (as I said before) a contemptible coward. There is worse, however. If she is particularly inexperienced, she will interpret the quick look away as signifying that even the most evanescent view of her body must be sickening. To cause such a feeling to rise in the breast of a young girl is clearly the act of a miserable cad--all the more so since the feeling, in view of the style of dress being considered, is more than ordinarily visible.

Second, you are yourself cheated. There is a momentary glimpse of maidenly quiver, a quick impression of the gentle lift of soft flesh. That is no good. That is worse than useless. It merely drives home to you, you a miserable hobbledehoy, that you are not only a coward but that you don't even have the common decency to be a thorough-going-coward and not look at all.

Well, then, what should a person do when a bikini-clad damsel takes her place at one's side? Isn't it obvious? One should look.

What's that, you ask? Why, it's advice from Isaac Assimov from his nonfiction sex book, The Sensuous Dirty Old Man.

http://www.amazon.com/Sensuous-Dirty-Old-Man/dp/0802703631

That's all nice and dandy, but... Probably pointing out the bleeding obvious here: don't stare like that at your brother's skimpily clad girlfriend, don't stare when in the company of your girlfriend or wife, and try to not ogle your students.

I'm all for the frank ogling, and I've practised it through the years (in the words of R___, I suffer from a bit of ingrained Portuguese machismo) but it can be inappropriate at times.  Plus it can give the wrong idea: I don't really wanna fuck you ladies, I'm just imagining it (it's probably better in my dreams anyway)!  I'm happily married, and I wanna stay that way i.e. ogle but don't touch.  

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

I want to see you post it, post it, post it.  Post it, Black.

Happy Birthday, pal.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Isaac Asimov died of AIDS........



































....from a blood transfusion.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Poor Jeff.  I feel bad for ya, buddy.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Aw he was Shih Kien.  (Owh whoaoowhoa)  Snappin his fingers.
He was movin round and round....but now he's dead.

Chinese movie star Shih Kien has died at the age of 96.

Shih will be best remembered for his role as Bruce Lee's rival in hit 1973 movie Enter the Dragon - but he enjoyed a staggeringly prolific 50-year career, starring in around 350 films.

He died in a hospital in Hong Kong on Wednesday (3Jun09) surrounded by family members.

Hong Kong Secretary for Commerce and Economic Development Gregory So said the state had lost an "outstanding performing arts talent".

[Just Some Girl]

Poor Jeff.  I feel bad for ya, buddy.

About the lack of birthday nods last year? Yeah, that's rough.   (Looks like ol' Jeff had a weekend b-day last year, when there are fewer posters.)

It does really suck about your night last night, though. Ugh! Hope you get some sleep today and feel less grumpy.




And Happy Birthday in advance for next month!




 

[Bizarro]

Dish machine fixed. Mood (mostly restored). How're you fine people?

Dan, about the Ass-imov thing. It wasn't so much that I agreed with even a drop of that, just that I was fascinated that the grand old man of sci-fi also wrote a how-to book on being an old lech.

[Doctor Rock]

Dish machine fixed. Mood (mostly restored). How're you fine people?

Dan, about the Ass-imov thing. It wasn't so much that I agreed with even a drop of that, just that I was fascinated that the grand old man of sci-fi also wrote a how-to book on being an old lech.

I know, I was just commenting on it.  Humorously commenting on it, I hope...