Take Me to the River

[Moetown]

Sweet cousin conch just showed up at my house. I'm trying to avoid him. I should just take some sleepy pills and pretend he's not here.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

That was another game of his.

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/8DeikFMnHwU" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/8DeikFMnHwU</a>

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

There was this one girl he would openly flirt with during his lesson.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Or should I say "lessen." 

[:groan]

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

"Lessen" our intelligence, I mean.   

[Moetown]

So, how does one attain this thing-a-ma-jig called will power?

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

You learn to enjoy denying yourself things.

[Moetown]

I keep imagining how I'll feel tomorrow morning. My niece's b-day celebration starts at 11:00 in the a.m. Plus, I want to exercise before I go. Conch won't help me with either of those things.

[matthew]

M______ just got out of her meeting...

Let me just tell you that my wife is the coolest woman in the universe. Seriously.

Someone called in to the restaurant and knew damaging private information, someone who had met M______ and her assistant the day before at a shindig at a famous local place (but also knows other people who work there now or worked there recently). Because M______ is on the manager's shit list, he immediately assumed it was her who blabbed, then snooped through her company email looking for proof, finding a brief note about another job she had been offered. Then they told her to wait in the office while he called a meeting about what to do with her. And when they called her in there, this is what she said:

"You honestly think that while I am out there trying to sell to make a living, I would go out and tell people things that make our business look bad? While I am trying to get their money? Are you that fucking stupid? Do you think I'm that fucking stupid? And if you think my master plan is to use my connections to get a new job, do you think I would go to a networking event and tell people our internal business in such a way that no one in their right mind would ever hire me? Do I fucking look that fucking stupid? Do I? Are you that fucking stupid to think that makes sense for me?"

Then, when the manager said maybe she would say bad things because he suspects she doesn't like him, she said this:

"Don't like you? Dude, I fucking hate you. Fucking. Hate. You. You're okay as a person, but you are absolute shit as a manager. You're pissy, you roll your eyes at everything I say, nothing anyone does is good enough, you treat us all like shit, and you make this a miserable fucking place to work. But this is my job, okay. And maybe somebody offered me another job, but that's hardly the same thing as me looking for a different job, is it? Give me a piece of paper and I'll give it to you in writing that if I am ever going to leave, I will give you a month's notice and train my replacement. Because treating people like shit is your thing, not mine."

Matthew has a new hero.

[matthew]

I don't know if I know a single other person who could go into their own firing, insult the intelligence of everyone there, tell the boss she fucking hated him and that he was a piece of shit, and end up not getting fired as a consequence.

I would have to be drunk

Jeff, your wife's balls are GINORMOUS and she is my new hero!  What a badass.

Damnit, there goes my line.

[matthew]

I like it.

No nicknames in elementary school, but high school most of the (male) teachers called me by my last name -- which my younger siblings never got, even my li'l bro (and boys often get called by their surnames). And then all the high school friends started in with the vaguely rhyming things, then in university got "punk rock-a," then Ottawa was ChaCha and LaVodka (and LaCrotcha, and LaCaca...nice), which still sticks, and now at work it's Roxy and Rox. Some of my friends have taken to calling me Roxy, too. I'm the sort of girl people give nicknames to, I guess.

And a bunch of clients call me by my last name.

There's also K-Rock.

I always got the last name, that or "Goose".  I HATE being called by my surname, mostly because it was done throughout high school in such an antagonistic way by other boys. "Hey Gosse".

I just looked up my prime tormentor in the final year of high school. He was practically my lone antagonist because close to everyone else was actually playing nice, if only because it was our final year together and it seemed like a good idea to start pretending like we would miss each other). Still, right to the end this guy lived to say my name....anyway, all of a sudden he looks incredibly gay, though his facebook profile claims otherwise. Maybe metrosexual? He is some sort of financial somethingorother.

His life:


Personal Info
Interests:    
GO HABS GO!!! Cars, stock market, vacations...
Favorite TV Shows:    
Nip/tuck, Laguna Beach, The OC, The Bachelor, Las Vegas, Apprentice, What about Brian...
Favorite Movies:    
Boiler Room, Faceoff, Jerry Maguire...
Favorite Books:    
Storyselling for Financial Professionals
About Me:    
I'm an amibtious goal oriented financial advisor constantly seeking personal success and growth.

He is probably wealthier than all of us put together (I believe he was in high school, actually), but I still find this hilarious.

[matthew]

During tests he liked to walk around and look at everybody's answers, sometimes making comments for the class to hear.

Particularly he liked to put his hands on the shoulders of the girls who had big tits already and sort of "look over their shoulder" a bit.

Supposedly there was a former teacher at my high school who used to snap the bra straps of well-endowed girls. I believe that this practice had gone out of style before I arrived.

[Tripp]

Jeff, I'll pay your wife $100 to come down here and tell my boss off.

[Doctor Rock]

Hey, there's a weekend thread going on!