hey nineteen

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

Lisa Loeb and a representative for the International Coalition Against Masturbation.

Thank you, Matthew, for that picture which shows Lisa's seldom-seen pink & shapely gams to such great advantage.

[Doctor Rock]

Lisa Loeb and a representative for the International Coalition Against Masturbation.

Thank you, Matthew, for that picture which shows Lisa's seldom-seen pink & shapely gams to such great advantage.

Someone give Lisa a big juicy hamburger!  Damn, that woman needs some more meat on her bones!

[regular tom]

if she gained any weight she would lose the right to be on television, dan.  

[regular tom]

here's a joke straight from the Friday Funnies file of the Music Library Association listserv:

So this orchestra's playing the ninth symphony of some little-known composer who shall remain nameless for his own protection, and the basses don't play until the final movement. So they head over to the bar across the street, to enjoy some Bass Ale. Some time passes, and some of the bassists are concerned that they probably oughtta be getting back for the 5th movement, but the Principal Bass assures them that they have a few extra minutes, because he tied a string to the conductor's score to allow them some fudge time to get back.

So here's the entire double bass section, in the bar across the street from the concert hall drunk, and they finally decide to head back. When they walk into the hall and on stage, they notice a look of extreme disgust on the conductor's face, and the Principal Bass asks the Principal Cellist what the problem is.

The cellist's obvious reply is:

It's the bottom of the ninth, the basses are loaded, and the score is tied!

[Doctor Rock]

I think I heard that one before.  

[Doctor Rock]

"R, for language, some drug and sexual content"

That's crappity.com's ratting, isn't it?

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

I think I heard that one before.  

Then why didn't you stop him?

[regular tom]

bigmouth strikes again!


yes, dan, we do use strong language in here, but i don't see anyone taking drugs or having sex.  do you?

[Doctor Rock]

Well, we do talk incessantly about it.  As for seeing drugs and sex, well, we can always post some picks in the geek isles.  

And by the way: wrong Smith's song.  I'm very disappointed in you, Books.  It's not even in the same record!  

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

A man goes to a psychiatrist because his wife complains that he's obsessed with sex.

The psychiatrist decides to give him a rorschach test.

Ink blot #1, man says, "He's giving her a rim job."

Ink blot #2, man says, "2 chicks in a 69 with a guy doing one of 'em from behind."

Ink blot #3, man says, "It's a dog licking a guy's dick."

The psyciatrist finally say, "I'm afraid your wife may be right, sir.  You are obsessed with sex."

Man replies, "I'm obsessed with sex?!  You're the one with all the dirty pictures!"

[regular tom]

at ease, danny boy.  i've read well and i know my smiths discography.  i was making an intertextual reference there, suggesting that i was the "bigmouth" of said song, so there's no need to stop me oh oh oh stop me.

there's always someone somewhere with a big nose who knows, and i am usually that someone.

[Moetown]

MEL GIBSON TO MAKE PEACE OFFERING PICTURE FOR THE JEWISH CHURCH
...OR IS HE SIMPLY TRYING TO MAKE MONEY ON THEIR HOOK-NOSED BACKS?

Maybe he just wants to make a movie in which the bad guys win - like Zulu Dawn.

[Poop Fresh-Herbed Pickles]

More news you can't use:

The FCC on Thursday overruled its enforcement bureau, which caused an uproar last October when it decided that Bono's use of the expression "f***ing brilliant" during an NBC awards telecast did not violate the FCC's decency standards since it did not refer to sexual or excretory functions, as defined by law. (In its findings, the FCC called the four-letter word "profane," raising a number of eyebrows among both opponents and supporters of the decision.)

I wish they could see how fucking ridiculous they are.

[regular tom]

Straight to the Lord of Overstock

those are some good book bargains from my former employer.  get your holiday shopping done early this year!

[matthew]

That's funny...when we started with the euphemisms for jacking off, I had to think of that Beavis & Butt-Head episode where they're taken to the psychiatrist's office and shown Rorschach inkblots.

She shows them the first one and they're like:

(they laugh)

Psych: What?

Butt-head: uh, it's like this dude and he's uh, you know, 'auditioning his finger puppets'.

Beavis: Yeah, yeah...He's shining his helmet.

(laughter)

Psych: I see...and what do you see here? {shows them 2nd ink blot}

Butt-head: Woah! He's really corralling the tadpoles.

Beavis: Yeah, yeah...He's really peeling some chilis

Psych: I see...and how about this one? {shows 3rd}

Butt-head:  WHOA! Leave a little for next time, dude!

Beavis: Yeah...He's really having a tug of war with cyclops.

{psychaitrist gets up and goes to a filing cabinet. Much "uh-huh-huh-huh" laughter from B&B who continue to look at the ink blots...eventually, they calm down and Butt-head ads:}

Butt-head: uh-huh huh..........he's masturbating.