Your First Orgasm (even worse than the Everybody Masturbate subject)

Crapp...you weren't supposed to answer the question. Oh well,...kinda vanished there didn't I? I'm still having BIG TIME computer problems and I couldn't get back on there (everything I type sounds like a goddamn double entendre). Anyway, to the overt sexual content

I originally tried to delete this thread before anyone saw it because I knew I'd end up having to tell my damned story and I relized it might sound gross and, worst of all, unfunny...well, I'll attempt to make it funny and tone down the gross part (although I doubt I can honestly outdo Judd's "I then played with the strungs of my "product" like spiderwebs as I gazed longingly into the eyes of so many big bushed nekid 70's girls"...that took balls (FUCK! once again with the accidental punnery):

Um, I guess I find my first time funny because,well...I was like 16 years old (yes, I am a slow starter in every aspect of life). My age, coupled with the fact that I was probably the horniest, most perverted kid ever to come out (!@#!) of Pointe-Claire, QC, made this bizarre. Not only that, but I'd realized at a very early age those "funny" feelings could be self-created. As I'm sure most of you remember, I was uncircumsized, and well, one of the things my pediatrician stressed when I was a little kid was keeping that foreskin clean and regularly pulling it back (I'm guessing in order to avoid phimosis...which I later developed anyway, hence the chop chop of my noodle). Anyway, I was about 6 when I realized that it was easier to get the foreskin back when it was engorged. I hadn't the slightest idea what I was doing, or more precisely, what was going on...I simply discovered that it got bigger after I played with it for a while and that made it easier to get the job done, so to speak.

Still, I never figured out the whole masturbation thing...even Bleue Nuit didn't help, nor the girly mags, nor the fact that all I ever thought about was what the girls at my school must have looked like naked...you'd think the biggest clue might have been the fact THAT I KNEW ABOUT CUM AND MASTURBATION. So what? Was I stupid (I probably am). So what was keeping me from going to town with my trouser snake?...I just couldn't get past the premise that anyone could get themselves that excited. Seriously. It made sense that a girl could do that to me, but me and my hand? What's attractive or exciting about that?

So, I just never tried.

But then, my best friend at the time was vocally espousing the whole thing (of course, he'd already lost his virginity a couple years prior at age...13 I think). So I thought about it. And thought about it so more. Eventually one night, I climbed into bed and I was thinking about it and I had a little chuckle ("How silly is that? Auto-eroticism? Yeah, right; not with this body.")...I started flipping the little guy around. It got harder and firmer and eventually I adopted what I assumed masturbators did (standard up and down technique, nothing fancy). I remember, after a couple minutes, feeling flushed...this was odd (to me)...it was actually feeling "good". Needless to say, I continued....and it felt even gooder. Eventually I couldn't believe HOW FUCKING GOOD IT FELT; I thought I was going to explode. I made a mental note that I had found my purpose.

Odd thing to note: At this point, perhaps because of my, er...excitement...a 'finale' wasn't the first thing in my mind. I wasn't very much interested in "an ending"...but more importantly, I didn't really have much of a mental image of how this inevitability would take place. I knew vaguely that "sticky stuff" came out.

At it did. Kaboom. It's poured out of me...what looked like, at the time, like a half-litre of cum poured down my cock, through me pubes, down the sides of my legs into two rather deep puddles of ejaculate (on my bed sheets). This was rather startling...but it was something else that grabbed my attention: the fact that my schnitzel was shrinking rapidly before my eyes; at a speed that suggested eventual non-existence. Now, this is the part I find funny (now-at the time I was petrified)...you know how in all those goofy sex ed films they show you in school, there's always some dullard that thinks you can "break" the penis by playing with it or that you can "break" an erection off or whatever? Well, that pretty much happened to me. Oh, I had seen those sex ed films, and I knew you couldn't snap a boner off like a twig and all that...but that didn't changed the fact that I could

a) no longer feel my penis
b) my penis was shrinking at an incredible rate
c) much more liquid came out than I expected (I've still never seen that much...I don't think I could produce that much in a month, now)
d) the way it was shrinking->jerking spasmodically like a broken robot or something was disturbing
e) I could no longer feel my penis

I freaked out. I ran around frantically, both trying to clean up my mess, and trying my damndest to revive the poor bastard.

I got my sheets cleaned and eventually got another stiffy going...but for a good twenty minutes I thought I'd busted Matthew Jr.