Spiders In My My My Mouth

[matthew]

No, really I just spit a spider out of my mouth that appeared to have died in my coffee.

I was using the same cup last night, but with herbal tea and in the middle of the night I took a swig and I felt a large lump go down my throat and I remember thinking that it might be a bug. It was dark and I did not want to find out and I swallowed. No I wonder. Who wrote the book of love.

[brainfiber]

sure it just wasn't just  kidsmoke?

speakin' of kids...

Last night we're sitting at dinner eating chicken and the boys are talking about chicken bones and breaking a wishbone...told them wrong animal.

anyway my little guy is like "how do you break a bone?" and i go into stress and force and just bad luck.

and my older guy goes "can you break that bone in your weiner?" ...at which point i say...there's no bone in your weiner.

at the same time my little guy goes: "can you break the brain in your wiener?" and me and T_ _ _ are just like "there's no brain in your wiener" and J_ _ _ (5) replies "it has to have a brain, cause it has a little head down there"

so at that point I can barely hold it together and I get up to get something and Z_ _ _(7) is like "there is a bone in your wiener...you  know when it gets all hard and stiff.

I lost it...i was hiding in the hallway LOLing...just wish I could have seen T_ _ _'s response to that statement.

[Sabamah]

brainstorm!

 

[brainfiber]

and with that, I'm off to a 3 freaking hour long meeting.

Glad I'm in a good state of mind, because if not I could see this happening...

 

[Tripp]

OOOOOH!!

You just died in my coffee tonight!!

Must've fallen out of my moooouutthh!

[Sabamah]

i shouuuuulda washed my muuuuug
I SHOULDA WASHED MY MUG!

[bebopbalogna]

a friend of mine, H____ L______ "broke"  his weiner bone.  was getting it on, girl on top.  she lost her balance and slipped off the bed while he was upinit and bent it in half.  pinched a vessel or something, cause he said the top half stayed hard, while the bottom half deflated.  had to go to the hospital to get it sorted out.  couldn't use it for a few months or something. that was years ago.  haven't really asked him if it's caused any long term damage. 

[Tripp]

he came and went at the same time

[bebopbalogna]

another funny story.  i musta been about 13 because my little brother was about 6.  we were watchibg tv. i don't remember what, but it was either a soap opera or some movie where they were showing mildly erotic adult behavior (no nudity, just makeout stuff maybe a little skin)  J___, my little brother, starts crying.  T___, my older brother, and I ask him whats wrong.  He won't answer just keeps crying, and getting louder.  finally we're like , "J___!  what's wrong? are you alright?"    J___: "I've got the 'B' word!! Waaaahh!"  T___ and I:  "what?  what are you talking about?"  J___: " a BOOOOOOOONER!! WAAAAHHHH!"   i must've laughed for an hour.  he was wearing pajamas and was embarrassed to stand up and couldn't make it go away.  it must have been his first one or something  cause he was totally hysterical.

[bebopbalogna]

he came and went at the same time

there once was a man from kent
whose cock was so long it was bent
to stay out of trouble
he'd stick it in double.
instead of coming, he went.

hahn-hahn-hahn-hahn

[Tripp]

hahn-hahn-hahn-hahn
hahn-hahn-hahn-hahn
hahn-hahn-hahn-hahn

[Sabamah]

y'all, i am, like, pathologically unable to do any work this week. it is really bad 'cause i've got shit to do. mother-father. HELP!!

[matthew]

a friend of mine, H____ L______ "broke"  his weiner bone.  was getting it on, girl on top.  she lost her balance and slipped off the bed while he was upinit and bent it in half.  pinched a vessel or something, cause he said the top half stayed hard, while the bottom half deflated.  had to go to the hospital to get it sorted out.  couldn't use it for a few months or something. that was years ago.  haven't really asked him if it's caused any long term damage. 

A friend in high school, one of those guys who wouldn't shut up about jerking off (guys seemed split being either completely embarrassed and hushed about it or way too eager to 'share' - more fell into the former group, but that dwindled by the time we entered grade 11), managed some masturbational scrotal gymnastics that landed him in the local ER and then surgery to save his johnson. He had managed to twist a vein and it was strangling one of his testicals and it swelled up badly and he was in so much pain he couldn't walk.


Also,

"upinit and bent" sounds like a good name for a hip hop album.

[Sabamah]

He had managed to twist a vein and it was strangling one of his testicals and it swelled up badly and he was in so much pain he couldn't walk.

jesus! i would love to know how he managed to do that.

[matthew]

i've got shit to do.

But there are boner-bone stories.