Self-Control...is Self-Preservation

[matthew]

'natch

[matthew]

Anyone else agree: 2005 was a horrible year? Agonizing and painful, yet largely forgettable? Granted, not all of you were bottoming-out with a chronically suicidal substance abuse problem, but I feel as if there was a certain level of ennui and distress that existed globally beyond my personal hell. A feeling of distress that no one wanted to address? I suppose some of it would have likely stemmed from the (re?) election of Bush, but I that would be an entire year off...2005 felt like a miserable Fall.

Well, perhaps only because Fall is all that I remember.



I found some old posts from the iMusic board that I had cataloged in my email drafts...I believe this would have been part of my attempt to rescue some memories from the original board before they shut it all down a while ago (there are no "Artist Direct" message boards now, right?). The posts are painful to read...I was clearly too drunk and pissed off to care about anything, least of all spelling and grammar (I now care, but I still suffer the same ignorance as I did then). Worst of all, I probably stepped on everyone's toes, even though I only had voicing my personal opinion in mind, and did not mean to slight others at all. Trying to be assertive and defiant, I sounded like an offensive lout. For some reason it is the spelling that gets to me. Well, not only.

So, this is an embarrassing little excerpt from December 1999...

"12-15-1999 01:21 PM

Last night I spent my first night in the drunk tank (.they told me to lie down...I just sat there the entire time...sitting as far away from that nasty bowl as I could) I really shouldn't be talking about this shit here, I've become(far) worse than Tripp with this 'slice of my life/day stuff' (and I'm not in the band, just some other poster) maybe I should go to diary.com (which actually exists and I hear it is quite funny) or something. The funny thing is...I was on my way to work. For some reason I brought a bottle of rum to the bus stop...and accidentally cracked the bottom on the sidewalk...and this woman walking her dog grabbed me and yelled "PICK IT(the little pieces of glass)UP!!!!!!!" and then....well, the reason I mention this is being under the weather this morning (3:34am)"

Apparently there was a whole lot more to that night which was only recounted to me a month ago. There was much more I later recounted on this board in years following, but there was a bit I blocked out.

What an asshole.

How did I become so wretched?

[Tripp]

whats even more mystifying is why are you dredging it up??

[brainfiber]

yeah man forget the past...you lived through it time to move on. I mean shit if the Germans can move on after 60 years  so can you. I'm not comparing you to a nazi or anything...not that your DNA is any different than say them...i mean if you set your heart to it you could be president of the us.

that's a joke...because you can't...you have to be american.

what's that song..."let the past be forgotten..."


shit if we all had to live day to day with all our past mistakes we'd all be drinking the cool aid.

forget the mistakes you made in the past...think of all the new ones you can make today!

[Tripp]

LET THE PAST BE FORGOTTEN!!

[brainfiber]

leave your worries behind...


man it sounds like something from Dylan.

something...future's uncertain, leave your worries behind...

this is when I need Caw.

besides on a cold loney night when the wind is hollowing and the snow is outrageous.

[Tripp]

hey look, I have a hard time forgetting the past. in fact it seems like the past is always rearing up to remind me of itself. The past is like the Kraken and I'm like Perseus...

and the crappity board is Bubo the mechanical owl..

[bebopbalogna]

matt, all i can say is this man. if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself and then make the change. you gotta get it right, while you got the time, cause when you close your heart, (YOU CAN'T)then you close(CLOSE YOUR)your mind(YOUR MIND!)  WOO!  WOO!

[brainfiber]

hey bebop...did you guys get like 13 inches of rain down there? I just read that on the weather channel...was wondering if they were missing a decimal point.

[bebopbalogna]

some people are saying 20 inches in the last 24 hours.  it's been fucking crazy.  flooded in several places. plus those tornadoes yesterday.  my friends chelsea and gabe lost their garage and part of the roof in their living room.  they were about to move to philly and rent out their house, but i don't know if they can now. 

[brainfiber]

damn...that's alot of rain

word is it's coming our way.

[bebopbalogna]

batten down, and make sure you got yr duck shoes.

[Just Some Girl]

Okay, now my avatar is just depressing me.

I like.

Actually, I had been talking about this one

I just referenced that movie two days ago. Weird.

[Just Some Girl]

whats even more mystifying is why are you dredging it up??

exactly.

[Just Some Girl]

some people are saying 20 inches in the last 24 hours.  it's been fucking crazy.  flooded in several places. plus those tornadoes yesterday.  my friends chelsea and gabe lost their garage and part of the roof in their living room.  they were about to move to philly and rent out their house, but i don't know if they can now. 

Yikes!