Total Relapse of the Flu

[Tripp]

Turn around
Every time I cough I feel a little bit of cartilage
breaking off inside of my throaTURN AROUND..
Every time I speak I sound a little bit like
Mister Snuffalupogus from Sesame Street
TURN AROUND, SNOT-FAAACE!

[Doctor Rock]

Good morning, Tripp!  Or shoudl I say: Good morning Dripp?  


It will soon be my turn, alas...  

[Tripp]

Dood dorning Nan

[captqitn]

Hey Hey!  My ol' hometown is setting records!

Mt Washington, New Hampshire, -35 degrees for reals, and -95 wind chill.

thats what I call crisp!


(brewing a pot of Thera-Flu for Tripp as I prattle on)

[Tripp]

Capt, believe it or not, you were in one of my Nyquil and Guiness fueled dreams last night. We were at some kind of art camp together. You, me, a friend of mine from High School and a couple of Samoan-looking dudes stole a school bus and decided to go into town for some fun. You were driving at super-speeds whe the interstate suddenly turned into all-natural grassy fields.blahblahblah I won't bore everybody with my dreams but the ending was good.
I was standing in a restaurant with the Samoan guys when a lady standing next to us started trying to get the Hostess' attention. Suddenly we were all falling thru space, racing past the moon, towards the earth, into the ocean, then a frantic swim up to the surface where we found ourselves in Australia. Though the ocean seemed to be in the middle of the city.  As we made our way up to the beach the tide swept out, taking the beach with it. So suddenly we were hanging on to a wall of wet sand while natives played strange instruments and sang cryptic songs, instructing us on how to climb up the gooey sand wall.

Then I woke up.

[Doctor Rock]

Mmmm, there's something bothering me.  Not very serious, I mean, I wish this was all the problems I would ever have to face...  Ok, I've been itching to get another guitar (oh no!), a Fender Jaguar to be more precise.  They're selling beautifully made, wih alder bodies and improved hardware, crafted in japan japanese Jaguars for about 1000 canuckistani rubles at a local shop (wich is a pretty good deal for a brand new jag).  I've played this guitar, they're a bit brasher sounding than the old ones, they haven't had the time to mellow, but they still sound fuckingly amazingly good.  When I tried the guitar, I imediately started playing Sleepwalk and Apache and Wipe out with it.  It's not a money problem, I have the money for it.  But I also have way too much gear, I'm selling some pedals I don't use, but that's all... Should I get this guitar?    

[regular tom]

who fucking cares, danny?  did you read tripp's dream?!?

whoa.

you're going to have to illustrate that one, tripp.  i don't think that was a school bus, either.  i think cappy was piloting the mars rover.  heavy dream action.

[captqitn]

Hot damn.. that was action packed.  I have dreams that good maybe once a year.  I'm honored to have driven the bus/rover.

I agree, you need to graphic-novelize that (and could you give me big fat pecs?)

[Doctor Rock]

who fucking cares, danny?  did you read tripp's dream?!?

whoa.

you're going to have to illustrate that one, tripp.  i don't think that was a school bus, either.  i think cappy was piloting the mars rover.  heavy dream action.

Damn it, Books, this is important stuff!  Guitars!  Fender Jaguar!  

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[regular tom]

buy the jag.

[Doctor Rock]

buy the jag.

Ok, let's imagine you're selling the guitar.  I'm a jittery costumer.  Why should I buy the jag?  Convince me!

[regular tom]

it'll look so fucking cool you're guaranteed to get laid.

[captqitn]

I can only offer it at this price for a limited time.

[Doctor Rock]

it'll look so fucking cool you're guaranteed to get laid.

That would have worked six years ago...  C'mon, find something to make me feel less guilty about getting this guitar!  Help a friend, buddy!

[regular tom]

the grunge revival is only a few years away, so get this guitar now before the prices skyrocket.